12 things I learned not to do in church

1. Use Hay-soos instead of Jee-zus in an English-speaking church

2. Wear a Jesus costume to get that 'Rocky-Horror Picture Show' vibe going

3. Use 'To da pizzle' instead of the tired old 'Peace be with you'

4. Correct the Pastor during the sermon

5. Put a 'Need Some, Take Some' sticker on the collection plate

6. Beat box during the doxology or kyrie

7. Practice supplication before God by laying down in the pews

8. Give the people singing with their hands up a high-five

9. Ask for Seconds during communion because the portions are tiny

10. Circle every Seventh letter in the reading to find the secret message

11. Insert Hip-Hop lyrincs into hymns and call it a mash-up

12. Forget to go. Even if you break the other 11 I'd still be happy to have you there.